As my 29th Birthday approaches, just as any other birthday I began to reflect on the years I've been blessed to still be here. I also think about where I'm at in life, along with where I thought I would be in life. Not ever in any of these years has marriage been something I ever thought about as seriously as I am now. Don't panic, not getting married anytime soon!! But why not?? I'm about at that age right?? Either way I guess I'm kind of curious.
I then began to ask myself why are there so many single, sucessful, beautiful women around that are not only not married, but not in a relationship that could produce marriage anytime soon. Always the bridesmaid and never the bride. Why do you think that is?? I have an take on it, and I feel a lot of you can only blame yourself to an extent.
Or you can blame Destiny's Child, Whitney Houston, Terry McMillian, and all those other "I'm Independent, I don't need a man" type of message senders. Those songs, books, and movies I believe have set a lot of women up for failure. Don't get me wrong, I love a woman that has got her own handled nicely, but I believe that the concept of "Independent Strong Woman" has gotten slightly out of hand. There are certain arenas where this attitude can be acceptable, but your love life shouldn't be one of them. A man IS needed for comfort and companionship. You both should be there to make the value of each other's lives better. To posture like your life will be just fine without us is well...ridiculous!!
Truth is there are many, many men out here that you could share your life with. Men with plenty to bring to the table, and will equally share your vision of happiness. The question is are you seeing them?? What are YOU really looking for in a man?? What makes him marriage material?? Dateable even?? I have a feeling that many of the things you are looking for has absolutely no value in the big scheme of things. Money is important, but where is your cutoff point?? Attractiveness is important too, but I'm sorry everybody doesn't look like Morris Chestnut or Matthew McCantputashirton. What do YOU look like???
Now by no means am I saying those things aren't important ladies. I also don't want you to think that you need to take care of a dude that looks like Tracy Morgan and hasn't a penny to his name. What I am saying is that I believe these lofty standards you put yourselves to and the "all or nothing cuz I'm independent" attitude really helps finding the RIGHT man difficult. You wanting flawless is a bit illogical, seeing that you have flaws yourself. Your unwillingness to bend from your futile formula has you in the position you find yourself in now. Why can't you be ok with a man that is just as human as you are???
I'm wrong right? Ok, you have a few male friends that have tried to holler, but you didn't really give them the time of day because they didn't fit into your criteria?? You still became good friends because you had so much in common. Over the years you guys have seen each other grow up and now he is a great father and partner to some other woman who doesn't appreciate him nor have the connection you guys used to have. You may have missed your blessing.
You could be the one who held out for that certain fit, and gave up. Maybe got tricked by a guy into thinking he was the one and now you are the second baby mama for the year. Not your fault, but what are you looking for?? Where are your standards?? Too High?? Too Low?? Are you accepting more than you thought you would ever deal with because you are now afraid of being alone??
This began as a random thought, and a conversation with a dear friend. She then turned it on me and asked why I never got married, or why am I not in a relationship with potential?? Well that's a complex answer I had do give her. I don't know why I wasn't married before, seeing how I was in a 8+ year relationship, what kept me from actually getting married. Age possibly, the idea of losing my freedom eventhough I didn't quite have it anyway. Something to think about I guess. Why no relationship at this point yet?? Am I really as open to finding the RIGHT woman myself, I think so!! Not really looking, but I'm open to it I think. Still waiting on Alicia Keys to leave that lame so I can shoot my shot though!!
Truth is there is no right answer, just something to think about. If you are a career driven woman and there isn't a scenario where marriage fits right now that's fine. But if you have been looking, you are 27+, this is some things you should be thinking about. Quit settling on being just the Baby Mama, demand more from the man you are seeing or find the right one. If you are the so-called Five Star Chick that won't accept a man not pushing a Beamer, Benz, or Bentley, I suggest you quit trying to live a life you see on 106 and Park and realize that there is a little more to consider in the big scheme of things.
Again, feel free to comment on FB or below right here. Hope you enjoy, or hate, just be sure to let me know!! Thank you for your time and continue living the GoodLife fam!!
Drey Thrash
P.S. I know I opened a big can of worms, but nothing gets done if you are afraid to get your hands dirty! Enjoy!!
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